Funny how at the end of the day, you end up alone and think about all that has happened. You might feel lonely even if you're not alone just as being alone doesn't automatically mean you're lonely.

watching this drama over the past two days have made me reflect on relationships with friends, family and coworkers. i've always thought that if you had a certain type of connection, you'd be able to connect on different levels even if you don't see each other for a while. well i guess i'm like that with a lot of people because i'm terrible at maintaining relationships and need a lot of personal space. but then it's also a matter of what you're used to since i have friends that i see at least once a week, so if i don't see them in a week, it feels as though we've been separated for months and it'd feel like we're in need of some serious catching up. it's an attachment i suppose. whilst on the contrary, i've been hanging with coworkers a lot in recent months, and even though i like them a lot, it's strange to say that i don't feel a strong sense of attachment and sometimes i feel really nonchalant about spending time outside of work with them. i suppose this has a lot to do with time. i've known the group of friends for almost seven years now, whereas i've known my coworkers for a year and a bit. it takes a lot of effort, time and conversations to get to know just one person and whilst i've become immersed within their friendship groups, i start to wonder whether it would have been better if i remained content with knowing who my closest friends were. not that i don't know who my closest friends are and not that i don't love them, but because i'm a marketing major and i plan to make a career out of public relations, i always feel an obligation to expand my social circle. does it really matter all that much in the end? in the end, you would never drop everything you're doing just because they're in need, but you would do so for your closest friends. and i'm sure they would do the same for you.

and even if you expand your social circle and you do care about those people (maybe not so much in the future when you are working..) rather than being like steve jobs and using them as he wishes, are you going to maintain those multiple relationships? it's difficult and tiring. all you end up feeling is a sense of obligation towards them which ends up tiring yourself out even more. then you end up lying to turn down invitations and it ends up being a whole circle of lies to cover the first lie. i don't even know i'm ranting about but i'm feeling melancholy and it's raining. rain makes me feel melancholy.

it's funny how i started this post wanting to express how grateful i am for having best friends that know who i am as a person and that i can just call up whenever i want, but ended up branching out to vent my frustrations about how shitty a person i can be (i was meant to go out with them today but i half lied, so i wouldn't have to spend so much time with them, man i'm a bitch-_-). but anywho, i'm going to keep watching the drama. thank you best friends for putting up with me, i love you guys :D

ps. i've known some friends for 10 years now. wow that's half my life! one of them is you poon!